


Effluence

by lille082



Series: 007 Fest 2020 | Agent 0018 [5]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond - All Media Types, London Spy
Genre: 007 Fest 2020, 00QAD - Relationship - Freeform, Angst, Fill: Free space (aka Shaken Not Stirred), Fill: Reverse a common trope, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, MI6 Cafe Prompt Table, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Substance Abuse, Polyamory, Prompt Fill, Substance Abuse, Team 00
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:28:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25854364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lille082/pseuds/lille082
Summary: Perhaps it was James's unpredictability, his volatility, that helped him hide the truth from his lovers...
Relationships: James Bond/Danny Holt, James Bond/Danny Holt/Q/Alex Turner
Series: 007 Fest 2020 | Agent 0018 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1875979
Comments: 8
Kudos: 24
Collections: 007 Fest Fancreations





	Effluence

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Polyamory Day, this fic fulfilled the free space square on the Trope Prompt Table (004) by [mi6-cafe](https://mi6-cafe.tumblr.com). I called my free space “Shaken not Stirred” and I leave it to you, gentle reader, to parse from it what you will.
> 
> Please see the tags for content warnings.

Danny had learned early on not to ask questions or coddle Alex and James in the precarious hours following a mission. Alex’s emotions swam closer to the surface and–despite everything, despite all that they had been through together–he still struggled to be stripped bare in front of his lovers, thoughts and feelings fully on display.

James though…if Alex built dams to restrain the flow of his emotions, James was like a levy breaking. He could be chaotic at the best of times–something Danny adored about him–but post-mission, he was gloriously unpredictable. He’d return from some missions with a hunger in his eyes that seemed insatiable, his unabashed need dragging his lovers under with him. He’d return from others like the eye of a hurricane, quiet and still, trying to restrain the currents of electricity humming beneath his skin, the potential to destroy everything in his path.

Maybe that volatility helped hide it from his lovers for so long.

—

The realization of just how bad it was swept over Danny after dinner on a perfectly normal Wednesday night. He’d shuffled into the kitchen, sock-clad feet sliding quietly across the wooden floor, in search of an extra spoon for the pint of ice cream Q had stolen from him and was now enjoying as he sprawled across Alex on the sofa.

He stilled, watching James bend over to reach into the cabinet where they stashed their reserves. His calloused hand, shaking, clutched the edge of the counter before he straightened back up. 

James fished an unmarked bottle out of his pocket, popped the cap, and set two pills on the counter. He splashed amber liquid from a nearly empty bottle into his recently emptied tumbler, sloshing a few drops down the side, and as he tossed the pills back Danny felt his heart shatter.

He knew James, knew what was asked of him and knew what he did in the field. Never for a second had he assumed he had an easy time dealing with it, but he hadn’t focused too hard on how James dealt with it. 

“Oh love,” Danny breathed, causing James to turn around. The half a second delay in his reaction was all the confirmation he needed.

He approached slowly, watching him swallow the contents down before he reached him. He took the glass from James with a tender smile and set it on the counter, taking his hands in his.

James allowed Danny to drag him to their en suite without protestation, staring warily as he ran a bath and slowly began undressing him. In any other circumstance, he would have been returning the favor with fervor, but the way Danny kept touching him, as if he would crack without the gentlest of care, had him off balance.

He slipped into the tub when Danny led him to it, confusion etched in his brow when he didn’t move to join him. Instead, he knelt next to him and rolled up the sleeves of his jumper before skimming a hand across the surface of the water.

Danny smiled at the questioning stare James was giving him and leaned up for a slow kiss, cupping his face between his hands when he pulled away. His warm eyes searched his expression before brushing another kiss over his lips. Resting their foreheads together, eyes closed, Danny began to speak.

“Don’t say anything–all I want is for you to listen. I want to tell you a story, okay? It’s…a lot.” Danny sighed, heart twisting as he remembered telling Alex how things used to be. How he’d coped. And then how he’d coped with his coping methods. It felt like a lifetime ago and, in a way, it was. “I love you. And I need you to know.”

Danny stared at his fingers as they trailed up and down James’s arm, water following the paths they created, and started to tell him everything he didn’t already know. He confessed things to James he hadn’t thought about in a long time–things he could almost pretend happened to some other version of himself.

The endless nights fueled by molly and drinks others purchased for him. Chunks of time he still couldn’t account for through revolving doors of apartments he didn’t recognize. The endless cycle of adderall and xanax just so he could function when he needed to. He only realized he’d been crying when he sat up part-way through his account to run more hot water but couldn’t see the tap through his blur of his tears.

As he finished, he wiped the tracks from his face and gave James a watery smile. He knew he didn’t have to say anything more–no pleas or proposals needed to be made. James’s face was inscrutable, his eyes focused in the middle distance, and Danny swallowed thickly as he got up and pressed a kiss to his forehead. He rose to his feet without another word, pulling a clean towel from the shelf and draping it over the side of the tub.

James quickly caught his wrist when Danny turned to leave. He didn’t say anything, just pressed a gentle kiss to his palm before releasing him.

Danny shut the door behind him and focused on his breathing to ease the tight band around his chest. 

He shivered.


End file.
